Unbreaking the circle
I'm making new friends left and right
Los Angeles is a hard place to make friends. Forming new friendships in middle age is tough everywhere. Social media and digital dating have pushed us into an intractable loneliness epidemic.
I hear these statements everywhere. I’ve said them myself. But are they really true? Does it have to be that way?
Up to last year, I was a poster child for archetypal Angeleno isolation. I had just a small handful of friends in this city. Deep in entrepreneurial burnout and working myself sick, I was lucky to have one social event in any given month. This year, I have been making a consistent, determined effort to bring more connection into my life, and, OMG, I think it’s working.
Since returning from my six-week solo writing retreat in mid-October, my social life has been fizzing like a bottle of Coke stuffed full of Mentos. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been to two birthday dinners, two festival screenings, two Halloween parties, one dinner date, one group hike and beach picnic, one book launch party, and a live music gig, mostly with newish friends that came into my life within 2024.
A little side story about Halloween: If you follow me on Instagram, you will have noticed from my stories that I am very proud of my costume. I was Liz Cheney, complete with a faux podium emblazoned with a sign reading Country Over Party. I never thought I would (proudly, unironically) dress up as a Republican politician, but a) I do kind of look like her, and b) I’m so burstingly grateful to her for her courage and integrity. In the name of preserving democracy, Liz Cheney took the bold, brave step of breaking ranks with her lifelong tribe in favor of a broader unity that could put this divided country on a path to healing.
First, I wore my Liz getup to a house party with my friend Jen, aka Kamala. What a double act we made. (Jen runs the Hollywood for Harris IG account! Follow it!)
When I wore my costume again to the West Hollywood Halloween street party with another friend, Lulu, I was kind of hoping to get in front of the photographers who inevitably show up at such events, looking for quirky or newsy images. Indeed, I was photographed by an AP stringer and wound up in the photo galleries of at least two online news stories! Peak Halloween win. I need never dress up again.
Anyway, my point is that it is indeed possible to make new connections even in middle age, even in Los Angeles. But you do have to be willing to leave your house, go to events, and stick your hand out to strangers. And if some of those strangers give you their phone number and say, “Let’s hang out,” you have to follow through and call them.
It’s not that hard. And it’s worth it.
Now ten months into my friend-making experiment, I think I may be approaching that holy grail of LA social life: a circle of friends. Or maybe it’s more of a subway map than a circle—a constellation of connections that lead to more connections as you explore it. My friend Erin and I met at an Oscar night viewing party in the spring, and now we regularly meet up for Saturday yoga in the park. And I recently introduced two friends at a film festival screening, who have since started dating! One-on-one friendships are great. Community is even better.
Yesterday, I was hiking in Griffith Park, the part of Bronson Canyon where there’s a sort of skate park nestled in a grassy arroyo. A gaggle of young men were taking turns running their skateboards down the sloped concrete slabs. One of them must have crashed into another or something because I heard a voice call out, “Sorry about that, bro!” and his friend’s reply, “Nah man, you’re good, you’re good!” Their casual kindness touched me.
Civility and friendliness seem too rare these days. As we head into the holiday season, I am thinking of all the people who are dreading making that trip back home for Thanksgiving because their family circles have been blown apart by warring political ideologies and the toxic public discourse of this time.
I am thinking of Liz Cheney and Kamala Harris, two women leaders who have forged an unlikely friendship to build a bridge that we can all walk across to find kinship with each other.
This Tuesday, please vote. And please vote for the candidate you believe will help bring more kindness and unity back into our lives.
My essay was published in HuffPost Personal
Days before getting cast in Harry and the Hendersons, I was struggling to put a roof over my own head. This week, I’m proud to share the essay I wrote about this harrowing experience. (Click the image below to read it.)
Coach with me
Are you going through a big life transformation or looking for a breakthrough in your writing practice? I have two slots open for one-on-one Creativity Coaching. In this practice, I blend publishing/editorial consultation with the Wayfinder Life Coaching I studied with Martha Beck. If this is calling to you, book a call with me to see if we’re a fit to work together.
Publish your book with Wonderwell Press
Do you have a finished manuscript or work-in-progress that you want to get published? Looking for editorial and marketing support from smart, experienced publishing professionals? Submit your project to Wonderwell Press below, and your book could be in stores as soon as summer 2025.