I’m writing this newsletter on a flight back home to Los Angeles from Taos, where I’ve spent a week immersed in an “ideas retreat” called Unstuck, led by journalist Ann Friedman and novelist Jade Chang. I am now convinced — as if I needed convincing — that “writing retreat” is my natural habit. The inspiring location, the thought-provoking workshops, the quality time spent with my writing practice, and the delicious FOOD! So good.
One of my big questions for our retreat leaders was about whether it’s possible to put oneself into flow, and if so, how? I have a hopelessly fickle muse. Occasionally the words seem to pour out onto the page and writing feels almost too easy, but most of the time it feels more like constructing a house of cards in a wind tunnel.
Ann and Jade said that triggering a flow state starts with putting the right conditions in place. Their maxim for this is: Know thyself. We all have our own sense of the best time of day and environment in which to write; knowing and respecting our own patterns and preferences is a big part of making flow happen.
Flow did not happen for me for the first couple of days of the retreat. I spent most of my “solo writing time” organizing my notes (also an important part of writing!) and, I’m not ashamed to admit, napping. The small amount of material I did write on those days was clunky, melodramatic yet emotionally flat, and kind of missed the point of what I wanted to say. But on Day Four, as I sat by the pool watching my notebook fill up with solidly satisfying work, I realized that something else was afoot: I was feeling connected to my essential self, and it was helping to put me into flow.
As I mentioned in a recent newsletter, I am midway through Martha Beck’s Wayfinder life coach training, and the essential self is one of her key concepts. The essential self is the genuine YOU that you were born to be; the unadulterated core self whose values, preferences and interests bubble up from inside you. This is distinguished from the “social self”, the manufactured personality or mask that each of us uses to navigate the world.
What does this have to do with writing?
When the words don’t come easily, or they don’t satisfy, it may be because I’m trying to write from my social self.
The job of the social self is to fit in with the groups we belong to, whether that’s society as a whole, our family, our workplace, or even a bunch of people on a creative retreat. Because the social self is concerned with meeting (or rebelling against) outside expectations rather than authentic self-expression, it tends to be anxious, scheming, phony, and disconnected. This is not the best place from which to write.
I can tell I’ve been writing from my social self when the words on the page trigger irritation, boredom or embarrassment. They may sound maudlin, cynical, or antagonistic. Pompous and professorial, or superficial and anodyne. I am posturing in these lines, showing off, and trying too hard to impress, or at least to be inoffensive. When I don’t like the way a piece of writing is shaping up it’s almost always the case that a deeper, more thoughtful message is missing — a message that can only come from a part of me that’s both humble and secure in my reality.
Writing well requires us to be curious, receptive, and honest. Am I being faithful to my lived experience in telling this story? Am I being true to the idea I’m exploring in all its complexity? Or am I holding back something important because I haven’t taken the time to listen deeply, or because I’m afraid to reveal what’s moving through me?
There is always a truth inside that wants to be expressed. There is always a path to connecting with that truth. And once I do it’s like tapping into an underground spring, and it can’t help gushing forth. Maybe the most crucial conditions are not external — the place, time of day, amount of coffee consumed — but inside me.
I can tell I’ve got some quietening down to do when I sit down to write feeling distracted, cocky, anxious, or self critical. I need to be anchored in my wise mind before any good work can be done.
If you’re writing or creating something and it isn’t matching your vision for it, ask yourself: is this material coming from the purest part of me? The part that always knows what matters to me and is honest about how I feel, what I believe, and what I want to say?
To connect with your essential self before sitting down to create, start by finding stillness and turning a patient ear toward the truth. Be real with yourself. What’s going on under the surface?
Who is “watching” you write with a judgmental eye? What might you be tempted to try to prove to them, and how would that distort your writing?
Maybe you need to process through something before you can bring yourself back to the page, especially if your writing is in a personal vein. Sometimes I get stuck in a blind spot; I may be harboring a rigid set of assumptions, or I have an axe to grind, or I may be parroting popular opinion because I have some shyness about expressing myself honestly.
Or maybe I just needed to get some big, noisy feelings off my chest in the previous writing session, and am now ready to bring a more nuanced perspective to the revision.
Our insecurities and obsessions love a spotlight because they’re so keen to push their agenda of fear and judgment. But if we can learn to pass the mic to the essential self, it will surprise us with images, stories, and metaphors that feel like “downloads” from the universe. All we need to do is listen to it and go with the flow.
I’d love to know if this resonates with you or feels supportive to your personal creative practice.
Get ready to pitch your book to publishers
Reminder for those of you who are working on nonfiction book proposals and wanting to find an agent or traditional publisher: My Wonderwell team and I are hosting a two-day workshop called Influencer to Author, and tickets are on sale now!
This interactive workshop is live online on June 15 and 16, from 1-4pm ET. We’ll be covering:
How to turn your story or content into a bestselling masterpiece.
What agents are looking for and how to pitch your book to them.
How to find a publisher that shares your vision and negotiate the best deal possible.
How to leverage your platform for a successful book launch.
How to win maximum media exposure for your book.
How to choose a publishing path that aligns with your goals.
The exact steps you need to take next—and what not to bother with!
To bring a traditionally published author’s perspective into it, we’ll also be joined by Laura Belgray, founder of Talking Shrimp and author of Tough Titties, her new memoir out June 13. Laura is candid, hilarious, and doesn’t hold back!
You can find all the details at Influencertoauthor.com, or if you use the special link in the button below, you can get $200 off the ticket price just for being a part of my community.
Hope to see you there!
Maggie xo