I woke up in fear today. Nothing specific, just generalized anxiety upon waking.
This is not unusual for me. Even as the traumas of the past are receding into the distance and my life is becoming a bolder, brighter, and truer kind of beautiful, anxiety is a steady companion.
Sometimes the right thing to do is to sit with it, and soothe it with the helpful practices I have learned. Other times, the best thing I can do is ignore it.
I know the fear I woke up with today is not rational. The truth is, I am safe. I am healthy. I have work that I believe in, which pays me decently and supports my expansion as a human being. I am in the process of intentionally building a life of my own design, and it’s already pretty great.
I asked my fear, how can I support you, my sweet little one? What do you need from me? A fragment of a dream I had last night came to mind.
A small wild animal was hiding out in my space, tucked into a dark and cozy corner. I think it was a coyote or a fox. A doglike animal, with frightened eyes and brown fur. Sharp enough teeth to take a bite out of me, but it wasn’t baring them at me. It was cowering.
Other people in the dream were on a mission to root out wild animals like this one and put them down. I saw them being shot, wounded and left to bleed out. I understood that sharp-toothed wild animals were a danger, and that the people were trying to keep themselves safe. But killing this beautiful, vulnerable creature was just unconscionable to me. Could I keep it? Or might it attack me?
Since I happen to be studying dream analysis right now in Martha Beck’s Wayfinder Life Coaching program, I ran through her dream analysis process with this highly symbolic element of my dream. Here’s how it went.
First, I tuned into the symbol and asked it a series of questions. The point is to answer the questions from the perspective of the wild animal itself, which I named Coyote.
Coyote, can you describe yourself in three adjectives?
I am frightened. I am tired. I am hopeful (that you’ll let me stay here).
What is your purpose, Coyote?
My purpose is simply to live my natural life in peace. My purpose is to escape from the marauders.
What is your message for Maggie, Coyote?
I’m a fear-biter… If she tries to pull me out of my nest, I can’t promise I won’t bite. But if she just lets me live in peace, I won’t hurt her.
How are you here to help Maggie, Coyote?
Maggie needs to know that she should not climb into this den with me. I am Maggie’s fear and overwhelm. Her job is to guard me, to love me, and protect me from the outside world. But it’s better for both of us if she leaves me alone to rest and recover. If she can do that for me, I will never attack her.
I loved this interpretation. What I’m taking from it is that my anxiety will always be with me, but I don’t need to engage with it too much. It’s better for my life if I can simply hold it lovingly in a safe space inside me and go about my business without it.
I hope this message supports you in making peace with your own fear, anxiety and overwhelm. We all have a wild animal inside of us, and it doesn’t have to run amok in our lives.
xo