I am a woman who loved too much
Robin Norwood's self-help classic did more for me than get me out of a toxic relationship; it set me on a path of self-discovery and expansion that I am still on today.
Last night I got to spend time with an author whose book profoundly changed my life more than thirty years ago.
Robin Norwood is the author of Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change. The book was published around 1985, and it found its way into my hands just a few years later, when I was still a teenager.
The title spoke directly to me: I was stuck in an all-consuming relationship with a jealous, controlling boyfriend and it was making me miserable. I checked the book out of the library, took it home, and hid it in my underwear drawer, slipping it out to read when my boyfriend was out.
I could hardly believe what I saw in its pages: myself. Like a clairvoyant, Robin Norwood seemed to know exactly what I was going through. What’s more, she cared about my struggles and knew how to help. My predicament was no longer a freakish and bewildering mystery, but a well understood condition with its causes and remedies laid out in black and white. I devoured the book. It would be a long time before I truly understood co-dependency, let alone extricated myself from its patterns, but the seed of self-love and personal agency had been planted. I told my boyfriend he had to move out and began asking myself what I wanted from love and from life.
That book did more for me than get me out of a toxic relationship; it set me on a path of self-discovery and expansion that I am still on today. It also ignited in me a passion for nonfiction books that aim to help humans live happier, healthier lives. Thirty years later, I’m not only an avid reader of personal development books, I am a publisher of them. I speak to people every day who have a burning desire to write their own life-changing book.
I asked Robin how writing the book changed her life — the opportunities it opened up, the rewards it brought to her. She told me that, for her, it wasn’t about pursuing personal career goals. She “just wanted to push the message out there.” In fact, she said, “I don’t think that is a valid reason to write a book.” Now, I don’t entirely agree with her on that; I believe that each of us owes it to ourselves to expand into the fullest version of ourselves and reach toward our dreams. But I do agree with Robin’s intent: writing a book can be a profound act of service to humanity.
She didn’t write her books to make millions of dollars or become a thought leader, although all of that did happen. She wrote it because she knew this problem - of loving too much - intimately. She had felt the agony of relationship addiction in her own life and, as a therapist, had seen its devastating effects on her clients. What’s more, she knew how to help. As an addiction counsellor she had experienced the power of 12-step programs to free people not only from addiction to alcohol and drugs but also from addiction to love, sex, and codependency. She wrote the book to show women how to break that cycle.
And she has succeeded on a massive scale. Robin’s book has gone on to sell millions of copies in more than fifty countries. Not because she was ambitious, but because she was tirelessly determined to get her message of hope and healing out there.
So, what is the message that is burning in your heart to share? What problem do you know inside and out, that you have solutions for? And why haven’t you written your book yet?
Do you need help? Do you need to make a plan?
I’m taking a tiny group of visionary aspiring authors on retreat with me to Palm Springs, where we will refine their message, build their book outline, choose a title, develop a marketing strategy, and create a plan to publish. We’ll also rest, play, reflect, and support each other in taking that Big Leap toward becoming the published author of a life-changing nonfiction book. With hands-on help from seasoned publishing professionals, each budding author will vision their book into being so that they can get their message out into the world where it can change people’s lives - including their own.
We start our pre-retreat group calls on May 27, so if this is calling to you, there’s *just about* time for you to apply to join us. Just reply to this email to book a call with me to find out if this immersive experience is right for you.
With love,
Maggie