A very Covid Christmas
The scene is set for a picture-perfect holiday. And my daughter just tested positive for Covid.
I’m in Canada to celebrate the holidays with my family. We are in the cutest heritage Airbnb with a fridge full of festive food and a Christmas tree surrounded by presents. As I write this on the morning of Christmas Eve, snow is gathering on the mountain slopes outside my window. The scene is set for a picture-perfect holiday. And my daughter just tested positive for Covid.
She is double vaccinated and had a negative PCR test before flying in from London on Tuesday, but the virus must have been incubating in her because she started having symptoms the morning after her arrival. It’s too soon to tell if my recent booster shot will keep it at bay, but I’m bracing for a positive result of my own. Either way, of course this means we won’t be able to see my mother, who we expressly came here for, nor the friends with whom I was longing to get some quality time by the fireplace. We are effectively snowed in and isolated, so near and yet so far from the people we love.
Scenes like this are playing out in so many homes this week. We are cancelling plans, postponing longed-for reunions, and making impossible calculations to try to see each other as safely as possible. It’s exhausting and demoralizing.
A therapist once told me that I am one of the most resilient people she knows. I wasn't feeling at all resilient at the time she said it. I was emerging from the smoke and ash* of a bad relationship with a mangled psyche and a jangled nervous system. Bouncing back from disaster is kind of my signature move. I've done it so many times I don't know whether to be proud of it or embarrassed that it was necessary. But on this occasion, I felt I just didn't have the juice to mount yet another personal comeback.
Her words were like balm on a bruise. I believed her, and believing made it so.
I hold that compliment close to me these days, burnishing it like a lucky penny as Omicron laughs in the face of all our "post pandemic" plans. On top of which, women's rights are in the crosshairs of bounty hunters. Black voters are being redistricted out of representation even as systemic racism is being whitewashed. Literal children are going on killing sprees. And democracy is melting down faster than the polar ice caps.
This is some dystopian shit we're living through. And yes, it gets me down.
But I'm not ready to burn my Irrepressible Optimist membership card just yet. In fact, I am doubling down on my dreams. Because why the hell not.
Important note: This does not call for denial of reality. That would be the path of fragile and false hope. No, I want to make sense of these times and continue to grow through them. Here's how I'm going about it.
1. Acknowledge that there is some heavy shit going on, and it is appropriate to feel scared and stressed. Be gentle and compassionate with self and others.
2. My mental / emotional state is the foundation of my reality. I can't control what happens around me, but I do have the power to choose how I interpret and respond to it. Paying attention to my nervous system and attending to my emotional needs puts me in a better state to choose wisely.
3. Nourish body and mind with every available morsel. A warm interaction with the cashier at Trader Joe's, a beautiful sky, dancing to Stevie Wonder, a perfectly ripe pear, cuddling dogs. Little things like these top up my tank every day because I let myself soak up the joy they bring.
4. Remember that all large scale transformations begin with human vision and are carried out by human effort. Good people are working on the world's big problems, and I am doing my bit by writing and publishing books that can help others to do their bit.
5. Related: Not all transformations need to be big. The personal is powerful. Healing my own trauma and breaking my destructive patterns is my responsibility. It also makes me a kinder, better functioning and happier person. This is a contribution to the healing of humanity that only I can make.
6. Integrity is the root of peace. When I keep my own side of the street clean, I can take on any challenge because my heart and mind are calm. This includes maintaining good boundaries. My favorite phrase for this is: "Soft front, strong back."
7. Stay invested in and excited by the journey itself. The story has taken some wild plot twists but it isn't over. What looks like a cataclysm may actually be a catalyst, and triumph is only made more glorious by the battles fought to earn it.
8. Refuse to get sidetracked by the shit show. Yes, there are many good reasons to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. But my time in this body is finite, and I'm not going to wait for the world to spin without a wobble before I get busy doing the things I came here to do.
I’m always looking for more ways to cultivate resilience. If you have a special practice or mental trick to share, I’d love to hear it. Just reply to this email—I read and respond to every single one.
Happy New Year, and may all our dreams come true.
Love,
Maggie
*PS: Did you get the Joni Mitchell reference? If not, you'll find it in the first track on this playlist of melancholy songs to welcome back the light.